I had a conversation with a man tonight. He’s recently divorced. He suffered abuse “of all kinds” in a childhood home that he described as “very dysfunctional.” He’s working his way out from underneath his addictions.
And he is a man historically dedicated to serving others in his faith community.
But he has stepped away from that. He made the decision that men like him don’t do work like that.
I don’t know him well enough to tell him directly, but I’ll write about it here now.
That’s bullshit.
Don’t ever let your darkness convince you that the light you have isn’t worth shining.
There are sinless men who have walked this earth. These are the great teachers and prophets that every nation has known. And not a single one of us would have benefited from any of them had it not been for the legions of sinners who brought their message to us. To think that the role of caring for others in our faith community is a task reserved only for the most perfect is ridiculous in the extreme.
I think I know where this comes from.
Within many religious communities, there are distinct “classes” of believers. At the top you have your clerics and scholars. Just below these are the students, acolytes, and initiates. And then there’s the rest of us.
I understand these distinctions to be purely aspirational, but many of us expect more. And those expectations are based on a misunderstanding of what it means to be religious.
I’ll explain.
The religious scholar is a person committed to learning, applying, and teaching the details of her practice. The students and acolytes repose in the shade of these teachers, comfortable in the knowledge that the details of their practice have been duly vetted. The effect that any of this has on the perfection of character is nowhere guaranteed. But they have set for themselves the lofty task of preserving and transmitting their faith and that says something about their ambition only. They aspire to internalize the minutiae of their tradition. They are not to be assumed saints by default. In any case, this is a small group.
We are the larger number, those of us tasked with raising children, dealing with parents, finding something to eat, finding a place to sleep, digging ourselves out from underneath generational traumas, showing up to work despite our headaches, broken hearts, and smothering anxiety.
We may feel that, in our preoccupation with the mundane, religious service is best left to the aforementioned “elites.” But this is wrong. Such a mindset misses the very purpose of a religious life.
Blessed be He in whose hand is the Kingdom. He is powerful over everything, who created death and life that He might try you, which of you is fairest in works; and He is the All-Mighty, the All-Forgiving.
Qur’an 67:1-2
Any perfection is for God alone, and this is the proof: that the All-Mighty who levels us with hardship is at the same time the All-Forgiving. And to recognize that does not require a lifetime of dedicated religious study and unwavering abstinence.
The mandate is only that we should respond to our trials with good work.
My brother with whom I spoke has backed away from that good work.
And we need to make sure that he gets back out there.
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Thank you for this post. May Allah help us realize our best selves in our journey to him. We acknowledge that theories are just constructs until they are tested. Redemption in my opinion is no different. There is often a disconnect between what we think we would do in a situation, and what we actually do. Digging ourselves from under the oppressions our sins, life , traumas and others are often fruitful with the mercy of Allah. We develop “the How” and a tremendous amount of sympathy and humbleness with those are going through the trials. Being “good” or “bad” is a manifestation of Allah’s will. The Mighty with all his power tells us repeatedly in his book, “except those who seek forgiveness and repent” over and over after every warning to obstain from sins,. His door of mercy is wide open when approached with sincerity. Our work is in this realm with ourselves and others, as Allah’s promises of mercy and forgiveness are true. The real work is not allowing the shame of the sin or the oppression of others words or perception to deter us from doing good. Joining in good deeds is the second part of redemption. Allah and his prophet teach us that good deeds erase the bad, and those who are in services of others are the highest among us. The saddest reality is that we don’t often offer a helping hand to dust off our brothers and sisters and empower them with the fact that regret in itself is a sign of Allah calling them back.
Very well said, masha Allah.
Salaams
It’s so easy to lock oneself away after going through such test. Yes it’s truly a test from Allah swt
The broken emotions. the broken self confidence and the feeling of despair is so real
It’s a struggle to pull ones. Self out if such a hole but Allhumdulilah there are some support for individuals going through this
Some of us choose to not seek out such support so it’s important that our circle recognized this and be that support.
Keep that brother close and let him know he has someone to talk to. Get him out and about and just listen
I’ve been there you feel like you are no longer worthy of. Being a part of society
Inshallah he will see what he did helps so many and he will definitely feel better and regain that inner self confidence to be a part of his community once again.
Amin to your prayers on his behalf. He has the responsibility to take initiative and we have the obligation to allow him the space and grace to do so. I really appreciate your insights into this topic. You have so much to offer, masha Allah. Thank you for sharing!