We’re all familiar with the meme: a white middle-aged woman sporting a short, outdated haircut shrieking about some perceived injustice. Violations are either inconsequential or non-existent, a usurped parking space or a cup of coffee served two degrees cooler than ideal, and always with radically disproportionate levels of protest.

We watch. We laugh. We cringe. And we share with others, prefacing the meme with our personal shock at such inappropriate behavior, “Can you believe this?”

Even as we’re entertained by the total lack of restraint on display, there is another effect, insidious and cumulative.

Fear.

Young women fear that they will be outed as the next Karen should their assertions come across either excessively shrill or firm. It seems this radically corrective era of newfound opportunities for expression and empowerment comes with the terrible threat of social marginalization through self-advocacy.

What is the threshold for “Karen” behavior? Is it the exhibition of violence? Is it the use of foul language? Is it loud speech? Is it a lack of tolerance for another position? The manifestation of entitlement? Illogical argumentation? All of these things together?

Or does the Karen label only stick when these factors coalesce in the mannerisms of a middle-aged white woman?

Poor behavior should be called out. Healthy communities honor unwritten codes of civility and respect, and when the rules of engagement and discourse are flouted, there should be consequences, social avoidance among them.

But when we make fun of people and build an archetype out of that ridicule, applying it to others even in the absence of any offending behaviors, but merely because, “she totally looks like a Karen,” we’ve now created an environment where women may be working very hard to avoid the accusation.

Just keep your mouth shut. Don’t stand up for yourself. There are people watching.

And so our women take the hits.

Sure, you can have my place in line. No problem, I’ll eat the food I didn’t order. It’s not important that you pronounce my name correctly. I’m not here to make trouble.

The Karen archetype is just the most recent, millenial-sanctioned attempt to keep women in their place.

We can address problematic behavior without damning labels and the creation of archetypes that include overt elements of misogyny, racism, and ageism. Petty conduct will not be corrected by a tool so base as name-calling.

Let’s not forget the basics:

O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one’s] faith. And whoever does not repent – then it is those who are the wrongdoers.

Q 49:11

Any women want to discuss this further?

Sign up for D&T Grrrl!, an island campout for women coming up March 4-6.

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