In just over four weeks, more than 40 of us will be paddling for our lives through the churning whitewater of the American River.

It was along the American River that gold was discovered at Sutter’s Mill in 1848. This was the beginning of the Gold Rush, the displacement and massacre of our indigenous peoples, and eventually, California statehood.

I was thinking that maybe we could reenact the Gold Rush as a fun family activity. We could run really fast with shovels, knock each other over, maybe enslave one another’s kids and force them to break rocks. Maybe wait a couple of hours after lunch to avoid cramping?

I’ve asked multiple times that all of our participants introduce themselves in our email group. Only two of you actually did.

The first to respond was Brother Siraj. I’m so excited he’s coming. This will be his first camping trip and he’s bringing his 8 year-old son, Yasin. I have an 8 year-old daughter, Kamila. May the sparks fly.

The next and last person to respond was Sister Mubeena. Last time I remember hanging out with her we were attempting to pluck spawning grunion from the ocean. I’m deeply in love with her husband, Brother Haaris which would be awkward except that it’s 2019. They will be bringing daughter Aliyya (10) and son Kareem (9).

If the rest of you aren’t going to introduce yourselves, I will be happy to share what I know and make up the rest. Some of the following may be false. You’ll have to sort it out.

Sister Aisha is flying in from Pennsylvania and bringing her two children, Andrea (15) and Ethan (16). I married Sister Aisha back in October. Things are going pretty good. Mostly. She broke her leg hiking back in January and she can’t swim. So whitewater rafting should be perfect.

Brother Omar and his wife Sister Randa are bringing their son Zaki (10). There are no words to describe the generosity and fabulous energy of this couple. We’ve hiked and backpacked together. I’ve been doing a little skateboarding with Zaki, too. Just good times all around with this family.

Brother Sam was a two-time contestant on American Ninja Warrior. He’s run the Tough Mudder and the Spartan Race multiple times and is just massively overqualified for this trip. But somebody needed to bring his son, Deen (10) who will kick your ass at Halo.

Brother Fazeel is a quiet man. We’ve enjoyed mountain highs and desert lows together. He is not afraid to hike in denim.

Brother Faisal has amazing hair, a predictable consequence of his many years at cosmetology school. He swears they are not actually holding him back. He just likes his teacher, Brother Tabrez.

Brother Suhail is actually a luchador who goes by the name Diamondo Flamé:

He will be bringing his sons Hisham (11) and Bilal (9) along with his wrestling coach, Brother Rashad.

Brother Mohammed and his wife, Sister Noor, will be bringing their children, Zoha (13) and Umar (11). The four of them raise alpacas for meat. Ask them about bulk discounts on jerky!

We’ve got a few couples coming out.

Brother Waqar will be there with his wife, Sister Nickhat. Brother Waqar and I have spent time driving Jeeps through the desert and there was that one time we went for a 30-mile walk. The two of them just came back from the North Pole. He’ll have a few good stories to share.

Then there’s Brother Syed and his wife, Sister Tabusum. They are the Silicon Valley power couple responsible for Minecraft, originally just a way for Brother Syed to manage his myopia.

Sister Mariam was on Santa Cruz Island with the women of D&T Grrrl! 2019. This time she joins us with her husband, Brother Ahmed who is much bigger than me and has impeccable fashion sense.

2014 was the last time I camped with Brother Milad. We paddled Tomales Bay and slept on the water’s edge. We enjoyed raw oysters and crab plucked right from the estuary. This time, he brings his son, Muhammad (9).

Brother Ihsan meditates so much that his chi is crazy strong and he can pretty much kill goats just by thinking about a nice curry. He has been known to rip off his pants without warning. He is bringing his daughter, Zeinab (20) and his sons, Amin (14) and Ali (12).

That about rounds out our group. A real nice bunch, masha Allah.

Looking forward to getting soaked with all of you!